You irritate me (and that’s a good sign for your CX leadership growth)

Last week my assistant called me. She had just finished editing one of my newsletters and said: Nienke, you irritate me. What followed was one of the most useful conversations I have had in a while, and it made me think about what CX leadership growth actually looks like in practice. Not the polished version. The real one.

I was a little shocked. Laughed uncomfortably. And asked her why.

Her answer: because you are always such a front runner. Every time I work on your content, I get this feeling that I am behind. And the most irritating part? You are right. I AM behind. And you just hold up the mirror.

I sat with that for a moment.

Because she is not alone.

Why honest feedback stings and why that’s exactly the point

Do you recognize it? Someone shows you what is possible, and you realize you have not moved yet. That mix of admiration and frustration. That “I know, I know, but still.” That, my friend, is tough love at work.

Research on coaching and mentoring points to one clear pattern: the best development relationships combine trust, challenge and accountability. Not comfort alone.

You want to change when feedback is honest, specific and delivered within a relationship you trust. Not when it is endlessly softened. But when it is real, and when you know the person giving it actually wants you to win.

I have also made the mistake of giving tough love without that foundation of trust in place. I might have been right. But it did not land. So being right was completely irrelevant. I should have kept my mouth shut. A mistake I have not forgotten, and one that taught me: trust is fundamental.

Tough love in CX leadership: Why I won’t apologize for it

I have my stars and scars in CX leadership. Fourteen years of learning, building, failing, pivoting and growing. As a CX educator and mentor I do a lot of work behind the scenes: researching, building models, designing programmes, testing what actually helps CX leaders grow.

I do not share things to show off. I share them because I genuinely believe: if I have figured something out, you deserve to know it too. So you can grow too.

And yes, sometimes that means I will be in your face. A little.

Not because I am better than you. But because I care enough to be honest. The people who helped me grow the most were never the ones who told me I was doing great. They were the ones who told me the truth.

So if I irritate you sometimes? Good. It means something landed.

The real question every CX leader needs to ask themselves

Where are you holding back right now?

Not in general. Specifically. Is there a skill you keep saying you will develop? A conversation you keep postponing? A shift in how you show up as a CX leader that you know needs work, but feels uncomfortable?

Because that discomfort? That is exactly where growth lives.

If you want someone in your corner who will be honest with you, challenge you, help you and genuinely celebrate when you make the leap: I am here.

View the courses scheduled for this year in the menu bar (CX Education) and pick the one that makes you slightly uncomfortable. That is probably the right one.

Does my content ever irritate you? What lands a little too close to home? I would love to hear it, just send me a message. I promise I will not be offended. I might even be delighted.