Tag Archive of: customer communication

F#ck the FAQ

That's not language for a lady, is it? No, that's right. Sorry in advance. But sometimes it slips my mind. Does the steam come out of my ears, when I'm looking for the answer on a website. If I get lost in the Frequently Asked Questions again.

FAQ is a widely accepted term in the world of customer experience. Now I understand that, because V.G.V. – as in Frequently Asked Questions – sounds a bit strange. It is also too similar to the TGV and let's face it, few customers experience their digital search on websites as that of a high-speed train. More of an old-fashioned bumble between tjilitjap on the heath and flapperdieflap by the sea.

So off I went. Travelling in the FAQ. Just a quick answer to a question I had: how I could convert my subscription. I didn't understand the information I was given. Also, I had the feeling that this answer was not about my question and problem. Of course, I searched further, clicked furiously and after a few minutes – yes, I'm impatient sometimes and I'm not the only customer – I decided to call. Maybe this was the shortcut I needed, because I couldn't figure it out on my own. It felt like an admission of weakness. Of course, I would have preferred to find the answer myself. The company also didn't want me to call. Not only did they try to hide their phone number (but I'm a master magician, HA!), the employee also made this clear on the phone. In no time she found the answer and she didn't understand why I hadn't gotten there myself while clicking. It could also have been done in the My environment, she told me.

If you lose me in your own FAQ, it's not my fault, is it? Too often I see that the flow is set up from an internal perspective. Or that there are words in it that I don't use as a customer. Or that I want something that is not allowed online. Like canceling a subscription. This is only possible during office hours and by phone. That FAQ remains a mystery to me. If I pronounce it the Dutch way, we also say EF, EE, KIOE. But then there should be dots in between, right? Which, by the way, few companies do. For me, it's just the FAQ. If you look at it phonetically, it looks suspiciously like F#CK. Unfortunately, I can't make anything else out of it.

 

This blog was written for CustomerFirst and published on 30 May 2018

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The happy jerk

"Good morning ma'am, would you like to fly to the Netherlands with us?" A big smile on his face betrays that he is having fun. His female colleague behind him, looks with a straight face at a point somewhere 20 centimeters above my head and ignores my "Good morning this morning. As I look for my seat - 2F - I see a third flight attendant who is especially busy organizing luggage. Because as travelers, we have little knowledge of that, says her facial expression.

Before takeoff, we get the explanation of the safety procedure. Smiling, I see the happy jerk two rows in front of me. He performs his routine, with great energy and eye contact with the various passengers. From seat belts to life jackets, they can't get him out of his good mood today. Behind him, the flight purser is repeating her routine. She sighs, but this grumpy chestnut is clearly not in the mood.

We fly away and soon it is time for snacks and drinks. On this airline, you pay for your food and drinks and suddenly I realize that my wallet is in the luggage rack above my head. Still, I want a noodle soup (guilty pleasure, I admit). The happy jerk takes the order, says this is also one of his favorites, and instructs the grumpy chestnut to make a "noodle soup for the pretty lady on 2F. I then confess that my wallet is still above me. "No problem ma'am, that can happen to the best of us," he says enthusiastically. The gruff chestnut sighs audibly and turns to the kitchenette to make my noodle soup. My backpack comes out, he makes another joke that pink is also his favorite color and all the rows are laughing along meanwhile.

What fun this man has in his work, truly amazing. I'm sure this is the second flight of his working day and he got out of bed more than early. Just like the grumpy chestnut, by the way, who really doesn't feel like it by now. She has forgotten about the noodle soup, and when I ask for it she just barely snarls back.

Two months and four flights with other airlines later, I still remember that one flight, with the puffing purser and the contagious energy of the cheerful steward. That happy jerk who made everyone and therefore me feel good. Thank you and I hope to fly with you again soon.

 

This blog was written for CustomerFirst and published on March 28, 2018

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Unfortunately, I'm out of sales

Twice recently I have been called by an unlisted number. Often these are sales calls, I know. If I check my history, it's from a newspaper or a credit card company. The phone rings again and when I see the secret number, I hesitate. Maybe something has happened to my parents or daughter. Hospital, flashes through my mind. So I pick up.

"With Nienke Bloem."

"A very GOOD morning. This is Carola from the credit card company. Am I speaking with Mr. Flower?"

"No," I say slightly surprised. Does she not hear that I am a woman?

"Oh, maybe I should have you then," she continued the conversation.

"Yes, I am the owner of the credit card. And speaking of which, all the years I've been a customer, I've been registered as Mr. Flower. Can you change that for me?"

"Unfortunately, I am from Sales. Then you must have my colleagues from Customer Service."

The call goes the wrong way, so I ask if she might be able to connect me then. "This annoys me, also since you keep addressing me in your newsletters with 'Dear Mr. Flower.'"

"No, transfer is not possible. You have to call yourself to get that straightened out. But while I have you on the phone, how did you arrange your travel insurance?"

A sigh escapes and I say, "That's fine, do you have the phone number of your colleagues for me? Then I'll make the call myself."

"No I haven't, but you can find the number on our website."

"Good, I'm going to hang up now to look at the website."

"Have a nice day, Mrs. Flower!" and she ends the call.

Sigh... Deep sigh. Unfortunately, I have since called her colleagues twice and tweeted about it. I am and always will be "Mr. Flower" to this company.

What bothers me most about this conversation is the phrase "Unfortunately, I am from Sales." What is it, that the silo you reside in is also the excuse for not helping me as a customer? That you call me to sell something, that's fine. But then also make sure you give your employees the opportunity to solve other issues. Do they use "unfortunately, I'm from another department" in your organization as well? Then you know what to do to prevent this kind of (unnecessary!) irritation among your customers. Otherwise, I might just write another piece about it.

 

This blog was written for CustomerFirst and published on February 28, 2018

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Wanted: the Marie Kondo of customer communications

How are the New Year's resolutions? Eat healthier, exercise more, drink less or – very hip – clean up rigorously? That's what Marie Kondo is all about in her book 'Tidy Up!'. Decluttering is what the Japanese preach, because a tidy house is a tidy head. The most important question when cleaning up and throwing away is that you ask yourself with all the stuff: does this make me happy?

For me, cleaning up my workplace is the starting point. I start with the pile of insurance papers, which disappear into folders. In this, my eye falls on a cover letter from my disability insurance. The name of the product 'UNIM Renewed 0510 AOV' is mentioned three times: in the subject line, the opening sentence and in the reading description of the policy.

I took out this important income insurance two years ago and apparently it was a UNIM Renewed 0510 AOV. The letter doesn't say much, but I do wonder if the UNIM Obsolete AOV policy also exists. And what does UNIM stand for? To stay with Marie Kondo: does this make me happy? No. What an unclear letter, full of jargon too. As a customer, I can't do anything with it. You would think that several communication experts and lawyers would have looked at the letter and found it to be correct. I save the policy and the letter goes with a big wave to the waste paper.

I also clean up the digital clutter in my mailbox. In it, an encounter with my spam box, which contains a shocking 567 unread messages. I scan the list of emails and they are mainly newsletters recommending products or services. In all honesty, this is also a tragic sight. Most e-mails don't even start with my name and the question 'Does this make me happy?' cannot be answered in the affirmative. I select all e-mails and with one push on the big red cross, everything disappears into the digital trash. Look, that cleans up nicely, this does make me happy.

The question that remains with me: Where is the Marie Kondo of customer communication? The man/woman who makes it fun. That image in letters brings large chunks of text next to it. Which embellishes terms and conditions. This ensures that newsletters are only sent if they make the customer happy. Yay, Marie Kondo from customer communications, we need you!


This blog was written for CustomerFirst and published on January 31, 2018

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