Why warmth might be your most powerful leadership skill (even in CX)

Let's start with something every customer experience leader needs to know.

Not just a "nice-to-know" insight, but the kind of truth that reshapes how you lead.

According to research by Drs. Susan Fiske and Nicolas Kervyn from Princeton University, people judge others - yes, including us CX professionals - based on two qualities: warmth and competence.

Warmth is about friendliness, trust, and empathy.
Competence is about skill, results, and effectiveness.

Now here's the surprising part:
In collaboration, warmth often matters more than competence.

People would rather work with a Lovable fool than a Competent jerk. Why? Because warmth builds trust. It opens the door to real conversations. It creates a feeling of safety. And when you combine it with actual competence, that's when real leadership power shows up.

There's even a model for it (you know I love a good visual):

• Lovable star (High warmth, high competence): desperately wanted
• Competent jerk (High competence, low warmth): mostly avoided
• Lovable fool (High warmth, low competence): mildly wanted
• Incompetent jerk (Low warmth, low competence): desperately avoided

A real-life Lovable star in the Dolomites

Last week, I saw this theory in action. Call it real-life research.

We were supposed to head to Tuscany to see the Mille Miglia. But with 34 degrees forecasted, we pivoted.
New plan: the Gloriette Guesthouse in Oberbozen, nestled in the Italian Dolomites. Just 25 rooms. A rooftop infinity pool (yes, that photo). And a soul as generous as the surrounding mountains.

The service? Impeccable. Warm and professional. But one person stood out.

Andi, the owner, who runs the hotel with his wife Junika.
He checks in guests himself. Chats during breakfast. And on Thursdays, he hosts a wine tasting (he's a certified sommelier) filled with stories, passion, and local pride. Of course we joined ????.

Andi knows what he's doing. He does it with grace. And he does it with a smile.
True competence. Even greater warmth.

He doesn't just run a hotel. He creates a feeling.
That's what made him, without a doubt, the Lovable Star.

And that energy? It sticks.

The pitfall of the Competent jerk

Confession: when I get busy or hyper-focused, I can lose my warmth.
I get snappy. Quick. Impatient. (Sorry!)

Not exactly the vibe you want - unless you're aiming for "Competent jerk in a blue dress."

So I took a moment. Floated in the rooftop pool. Reconnected.

I may have looked like a full-blown influencer, but what I really did was reset.
Breathe. Reflect. Remember who I want to be.

Not just skilled. But kind.
Not just effective. But empathetic.
Not just competent. But warm and competent - in balance.

So, CX leader, here's your reflection:

• Where do you land on the Warmth-Competence matrix?
• Are you showing up with warmth in your meetings, feedback, hallway chats?
• Are you the Lovable star - or is it time for a reset?

Because the truth is:
People don't just follow smart leaders.
They prefer working with warm ones.

So whether you're running a workshop, leading a session, or sending feedback - bring both:

Your competence.
And your warmth.

That's where powerful CX leadership begins.

And PS: if you're ever looking for an unforgettable stay in the Dolomites, check out Gloriette Guesthouse. My holiday is over, but I'm bringing a fresh dose of warmth back to Utrecht. CX hugs all around.

Until next time, keep spicing up your Customer Experience leadership.

*****

Nienke Bloem is often called the Customer Experience speaker in the blue dress. 

She's a global CX thought leader, educator and a global keynote speaker who inspires audiences with best practices and proven methodologies. She leads a speaking practice, a CX game company and a training business; she breathes Customer Experiences and is author of two CX books.

Her two-day Customer Experience Masterclass is known as the best program to prepare for your CCXP and she is the go-to person for CX leaders who want to advance their leadership and bring direct results from their Customer Experience transformation programs. Since 2020, she hosts a CX Leadership Masterminds program and helps leaders spice up their leadership and deliver an engaging CX Story including a solid CX Strategy. Besides, she is a modern-day pilgrim and found the parallel with leading customer centric transformations. 

With her over 20 years of corporate experience, she speaks the business language. Her keynotes and education programs in Customer Experience are inspiring and hands-on. She is one of the few Recognized Training Partners of the CXPA and it is her mission to Make Customer Experience Work and help you deliver business results. Subscribe to her weekly CX Greetz to stay tuned.